Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Prepare for a Long [Haired] Rant

Since when was long hair on guys considered feminine? I don't think Joey Ramone looks so feminine, do you?

OK, so I was talking to my cousin and he was saying how he didn't dig my boyfriend's hair after I said that guyliner is lame. I asked why. He says, "Long hair is just as feminine as guyliner." Now, once he said this, I pictured my boyfriend and his hair. His hair isn't smooth, silky, and shiny. He doesn't do anything to it. He just leaves it. He doesn't wear ponytails and he only gets his twimmed an inch or so when his mother complains. His hair's past his shoulders. His hair is anti-girl. (Yet sometimes it flares out around his face like the Farrah Fawcett feathers, so of course I have to sing "Look who's got a Farrah do, dontcha wish you had one too?".)

After that, I didn't really care. I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he got pissed. Then he proceeded to show me a bunch of pictures of heavy metal guys that I can really care less about with long hair to prove how unfeminine they are. Then he said that he didn't like my cousin anyway. Thought he was to jock-ish.

There are a ton of guys with long hair that do look feminine, no doubt, but there are a lot more guys that look just as masculine as they would with short hair. But are you saying that if a girl had short hair, like moi, that they would look masculine? Why think someone is of a certain sexuality because they have short or long hair? Why can't people accept androgyny and not question it?

My boyfriend is in a band with a bunch of grunge kids and punkers. He has long hair, wears dirty jeans and ripped flannels, what's so feminine about that? I'm an essayist, my bestfriend is gay and he's obsessed with Karl Lagerfeld. I like frilly pink bras. My hair is short like Edie Sedgwick, I love make-up, I wear expensive shoes, I follow the trends, what's so masculine about that? Is it when I wear my boyfriend's flannels with band shirts and ripped jeans with my old, grungy converse with no make-up and sunglasses that you think I look masculine?

Do you think CJ Ramone looks feminine when he shreds the bass? Do you think I look masculine when I headbang with a short dress and high heels on? Do you think my boyfriend looks like a girl when he kicks his amps with sweat rolling down his face during a show while his drummer kick the bass drum?

What makes you think that hair length has anything to do with femininity or masculinity? I personally think that long hair, like past the shoulders long, on guys is sexy. I like it. I like that when they look down their hair falls off their shoulders and creates a curtain. I think it's sexy when girls have short hair, you can see their eyes. I like not even having to comb my hair. I like it when my boyfriend ruffles my hair like I would to a boy with short hair. I like long hair on guys. It's rock 'n' roll. Jesus had long hair, so why diss long hair? Long hair and guitars and motorcycle jackets all just go together. It's rebellion, it's something my mother would kill me about. I love it.
My boyfriend is the three percent of the male population with long hair. Suck it, minority obsessers! And if you think guys with long hair are gay, you're wrong. Take it from a fruit fly herself, gay guys aren't the types to have long hair. I swear Grey shuddered when he first saw my boyfriend and his hair.
So buuuurn. I will not end my love for guys with long hair. They just happen to be the sex. And I'm quite the sadist and like pulling hair, I've been doing it since I was a baby. It's in my blood. I kind of broke up with my last boyfriend because I met my current one. You see, my last boyfriend was clean cut and preppy and brunette with big perfect blue puppy dog eyes, but the one I have now had the perfect long blond hair and mad guitar skillz.


  1. Amen.
    I really have nothing else to say about that..

  2. Haha, the suck it part reminded me of Kathy Griffin.
    I agree, amen to that.


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